he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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