the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
