We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
