all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize