God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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