I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
