It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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