I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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