Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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