if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize