it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
