Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
