sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
