...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
