I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
