Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
