My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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