My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
