If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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