just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize