I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
