lets start a swedish sibling band together
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
