I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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