Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
