toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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