i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
