Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
