help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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