that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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