Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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