finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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