so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
