Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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