Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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