Got a toothbrush?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
