Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
