Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
