Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
