operation have a gay friend backfired
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
