I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's get the cat blown out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
