I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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