Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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