I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
