i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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