I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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