Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
