It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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