Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
