dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
