Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
