sarcasm needs its own font
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
