break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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