are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
