my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize