If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
