Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
