good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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