My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
