I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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