when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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