I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
