He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
