My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
