At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
