Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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