No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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