She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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