she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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