Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
