I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
