i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
