i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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