she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize