Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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